January 28, 2009

re-thoughts

Possibly about a month ago, Christmas 2008, we remarked how soon it would be before Chinese New Year came round. So, it's this soon. Now, we know.

Weeks before the year of the ox settles into 2009, I've begun creating endings. The end of this, the end of that... some, I discarded; some, I kept. Yet some, I'm waiting to pass on.

Around the same time, my social life was crowded. I saw and shared in the milestones of friends. I anticipated the coming back of some very close friends. I tried to juggle meeting up friends with helping out at home, and with spending time with my sillyyou. I wonder, now, if I was also juggling with time for myself. If I was, it went pretty much unnoticed.

xxx

Tonight was possibly a depressing night for many. After all, with all this festive seasons come and gone, February is a pretty dull month and the next public holiday from work is just too long away.

After I'm done with lathering my skin with the moisturizing body gel, I heard some kind of buzzing. It sounded like it came from outside. I didn't want any annoying golden insect (not auspicious to me, that kind of gold) in my room. So, I switched off the lights, known to attract the much-feared crawlie.

xxx

I wondered why my littler cousins seemed to know our other relatives and cousins better than I do. I probably ought to contact and speak to my cousins a little more often. I wondered, at one point in time, if it's true that sisters, no matter what, have between them a bond that can only grow stronger. Yes, even if mine sometimes convince me that 'Impossible' can also be an ambition. I wondered, at another point in time, how much time and how many years do we all have, before we have to start bathing our parents and feeding them, like how my uncle fed my grandma.

xxx

I told Emm about my plans for this year and the coming years, hopefully. I really have no concrete plans. I don't quite think concrete plans work in this age and time that we live in. Especially not when every news channel dishes out news of retrenchment, net losses and recession.

There are always plenty of ideas swimming in my head. Some, I shared. Some, I don't. But they really remain ideas. If the prediction for monkeys is ever accurate, perhaps this is the year which I can explore some of those ideas.

Sometimes, the bigness of these ideas daunt me. Most of the time, however, it's the lack of funds. Always, as we all know, is the lack of motivation.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:18